This is weird

5 hours before the final. I am still not in the study mode. Cannot memorize more, and the brain stop working. I tried to focus but failed, facing all those authors and their opinions, it's clear, all clear on the notes, but I just can't link them together to make a complete sentence.

I'm becoming more and more weird these days. Facing myself, facing my friends, facing people. Don't know how to start talking and keep one topic moving. Can't make funny jokes. Can't let people feel comfortable when hanging out with me. I knew it but I cannot control it, which is such a sad feeling. There are something that you know it's bad but you cannot change it to become better at all, and there is no reason identified. Just lost in myself.

Keep questioning all kings of questions,hope will get rid of the status soon, but I will be patient. Everything will be alright. Maybe, maybe not. Or I just feel dumb about my life. Need changes immediately.

The last exam

Paperwork almost done, just need some minor correction in grammar.

Tomorrow will be a long long day studying for the last exam. It's all matter of memorization.

Maybe I can pick up some time doing things for other people. Just maybe.

During final week, I am weird weird weird. Hate this version, but I'm gonna accept it. This is me, super sensitive to the GPA stuff.

The ambition of being a PhD all the way to a professor is just getting started.

So, go for it, boy.

Nothing is ruined. Everything is in its shape.

Is getting worse and worse.

Don't ever try talking to me when I am sensitive. My respond may or may not hurt you, and I know it is bad.

Acting weird

Why am I not able to speak out my true feeling?

Maybe I am just in my talking mode. Too selfish sometimes I show up. Or maybe other people ask too much from me.

But I should at least let them know how I feel. But I cannot. I don't even know how I feel right now.

After the weird stuff, guilty comes up. but you know the point you said the word out, nothing can change it. It's settled already. Facts are remembered forever. People will learn and find out that I am selfish too, I don't have time to care about other people. I am just a jerk.

A night acting like a boy, a college boy.

Happy birthday dad!

Today is my dad's 50th birthday. Happy birthday dad!

Haven't taken much pics with dad these years, but these are good ones

2009.8 arriving HK

2010.2 spring festival


2011.2 spring festival


2011.8 leaving China for exchange

2012.9 at cousin's wedding





How I wish there are more time spending with daddy and mommy.

Talent is delaying stuff

Maybe the exam this afternoon exhausted me. Oh stop talking that crap, I know I was talking hilariously with several girls in the caf and retained that energy back home.

I am just talented in delaying stuff. Things can move on if I stick to my study plan. I could have finished two chapters of revision on this ecology thing, and maybe some paper work on the sociology, but eventually I only did two review questions, and spent the whole night watching TV series.

What the heck am I doing. Still daydreaming to become a PhD? Shame on me. My talent is not in this way judging from now.

Bad.

Stupid Kai

I did a silly thing today, and I think nothing can be even more silly than this one.

I spent half an hour scanned a 40-page-long report using a computer in the school library, and just after I finished the job, I save the file in the C:\ disk of the computer, and unconsciouslly press the button of  "Shut down".

So I have to do it again. Another thirty minutes.

Hope I am not making that silly mistake when doing lab stuff.

:(

Booming December

No matter what results I will achieve after this December, I have to say I CANNOT LOVE THE FIRST THREE DAYS MORE.

And, I think I have a feeling on a cute cute girl. She is amazing.

Woohoo.

A disappearing symbol

Always, there are too many things that I wanna write down, but do not know what to begin with, and how to make the decision to select.

Or maybe it is better not saying anything, until the point when I really got a mind, then open the blog and make it out.

I am way too enjoy being lazy. There is discussion for presentation tomorrow, a paper to work on, a lab report to be submitted next friday. but I am still procrastinating.

Debate team won the 1st runner up in the competition, and we had a wonderful night on Saturday.

Time passes.

I still attend some events of the debate team, but I know that I am way too far away from them. I've already settled down my mind on what to pursue, I have tons to work on such as those presentation and paperwork, I have not joined in the debate for almost a year, and now I do not know how to be a debater.

Debate team, a symbol that matters a lot in my university life, is now leaving me. I can sense it, and I cannot control it.

outline for term paper

gonna figure this out tonight. no procrastination.

Keep reading. Finding new examples. No laziness.

Long Tuesday. Any longer?

I hate 8:30 classes. Feeling tired sitting in the classroom, just getting a 3-hour sleep last night working on a lab report. But fortunately, I found my student ID card back - it was laying in my pencil box lol and I did not even notice that. Anyway, no need to waste extra 100 dollars for a stupid card. Kai is technically "recognizable" across the campus again :)

The Quantitative PCR assay learnt from the Molecular Biology lecture is very cool. I may apply it a lot in my final year project, analyzing the amount of miRNA and its regulation on dopamine level of zebrafish. Dr.Xia's explanation is clear enough. I think he has made big progress on delivering lectures, which makes me feel comfortable. Sometimes I don't want to feel stupid understanding tons of boring facts and mechanisms of biology. I need to know how it applies to the life and what kinda problem it targets for.

And for the competition, yes I think I would like to give a shot on it. Though many friends do not think that is a good idea since its biased towards local students, I don't want to miss any chance to practice the english skills and presentation skills. This leads to my way to become a cool PhD and professor. Sounds like a strong ambition, but now I have a long way to go. Tonight maybe I need to pick up two lists of GRE vocabulary. In addition, if the competition things are on my schedule, it is time to book the railway ticket back Hong Kong from Shanghai, which I think may be not later than Jan.3rd. Lab also needs me during that time. Kinda foresee a booming second semester.

Hope the global cafe tonight goes well. Haven't seen many international friends for a long time, maybe tonight there would be some funny chatting. But after that, study will occupy the whole night. So won't put too much expectation on that stuff, everything will be fine.

Hope this Tuesday could be longer so that more stuff on my checklist would be ticked up. At least right now I have a thrill to do that.

One day I will know

No pushing into anything, just let it happens naturally as much as possible.

I don't care her any more it is no difference from strangers

I know it is hard. It is hard to put down some sweet memories, but there are more bitterness that I carry at the same time. she is not happy when seeing me posting status, and I clearly know that.

me neither.

less bothering. make it more relieve. Life has to move forward and I know I cannot stop.

she does not want to admit how naive she is, then I do that. I know maybe I am the guy who is naive from the beginning.

Everytime I told myself try to be an adult on this. Well, in the topic of love, I have too much to learn that I am still a kid right now.

nothing to do

That is probably why I get anxious. I have nothing to do currently, and I have no motivation to find out something to do. When I am thus quiet, I think about those stupid things I did before.
Who freaking cares? It's just some embarrasing seconds. When you have no words to utter, just smile and deliver wishes.Nobody hates that.

anxiety

Although it is quiet in the room, I feel anxiety accumulating.
All works will be done finally, what am I suppose to worry about?
No having a bright future? Losing all the friends? Nervous thinking about how people respond to my dumbness?
What else could I do to improve my communitation with people?
Nothing seems to become better.

talking

no one is willing to talk to me now. I am way too self-involved. I don't know how to start a conversation, how to respond to one's admiring.

what am I suppose to do? I'd better shut up?

Maybe it is because of the tense stuff accumulating these days. I spent a whole weekend working on a 20-page-long lab report. And now it is still far from finish. There is a little worrying.

Lab Report

Why I am having so many lab report to do @_@
Finish these data SHIT and go to sleep.

tense comes again

Long Tuesday studying. Today's main task is to tackle with the quiz of molecular biology. Luckily enough, there was no quiz on the class today, but since there are classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday every week, there is always a chance to meet with the quiz tomorrow. So, I spent almost the whole night memorizing the lecture notes and making my own notes. I don't know whether this helps actually, but at least I am not spending time ignoring molecular biolgy, which I could give a self-explanation.

It is always hard to get an A. I am trying to study hard to reach the highest GPA ever among my semesters, and it does not seems like a tough task. However, things are accumulating. Once you've made up your mind to study for the mid-term, you cannot really focus on other subjects during that period, because that will distract my efficiency. That's why I am so jealous at peoples who are excellent in multitask skill.

And, I become weird during the study mode. I mess up stuff beyond study. I lie to other people. I do not exactly go to the library to study for the mid-term. It is not a mid-term, it is just like a quiz occupying around 10% of the full course, and you don't even know when it occurs. You have to accept it because that pushes you to study, and that is what the university teaches you. Well, what I may finally obtain from the college is not knowledge, but ways to tackle with the problems coming. Sort of figure out what kinda guy I'm like in the future. Am I going to be weird? Unfortunatly, it is; fortunately, it is.

Wish me good luck tomorrow.

annoying dad

I have a Dad that I don't know how to describe. He behaves like a child sometimes. He works hard and earn money to ensure I am able to live and study in Hong Kong, he does not like doing housework, but many times he forces himself to do that, so that he will think he has done housework, at least, washing bowls.

And know he doesn't want to wash any bowls at all. And he has a big argue with mommy.

His reason is obvious, to save time to do more things that he want to do. He emphasizes that his body is far worse than before, that he wants to do as many things as possible before he technically "cannot".

So, my mom has to sacrifice. Sacrifice her time, sacrifice her health, to make up for the rest of the bowls.

Thing is just this little. And there is always a chance for little things to explode. It is all because of washing bowls, and it is more than washing bowls.

Maybe my mom does not care daddy at all. Or at a degree, his healthy. But even if that is true, shouldn't my dad take some housework at all?

Things are mutual. I do things for you, so it is reasonable that you do something for me. Although finally, I do for myself, and so do you.

人不为己，天诛地灭。

Dad thinks mom doesn't understand him. But why he does not explain? there is always a chance to clarify for yourself.

What else you do not really want to do? Let us know. Everything will be OK eventually. Don't miss the chance to avoid making yourself annoying.

Twitter and missing phone

Just getting my twitter settled down in my iPad. Feeling good that I have so many channels to pour out my feeling, good and bad, happy and creepy, family and friends, home and school. I tend to avoid the attention of people more and more. I mean, I got 人人, facebook, weibo, too. But usually I just share posts of other people when using these stuff, rather than writing shits of my life. I used to do that but now I did not; especially when the bad mood comes, these are not good ideas. Rather I have my journal book, and the tiny little website space like here.

O-o, don't judge my word when you accidentally come. I tolerate curiosity of everyone, but just watch, and trying to get the meaning behind what I typed.

To say the creepy, I lost mobile phone today. It is the mobile phone that I argued with my mom, and she made up a lie in front of my dad about how it comes. What a good mom, but that is not the point. The point is how bad and careless I am.I is not the first time I've done the similar silly mistakes. My world has almost been stolen during the nightmare flight last year, and it took me a month to find it back. All my passports, id cards, credit card, just name it. The "bloody" experience seems doesn't work. This morning I am having breakfast in the Hong Kong Baptist Hospital. It should have been a normal saturday. I ate the breakfast, taking my phone out and start staring at a screen of news and posts in weibo. That is one of the ways to chill these time, as far as I am concerned. Then I finished the breakfast and took the tray back to the recycling area, then leaving the restaurant. It is not until the afternoon when I finished surfing the internet and the revision of ecology and the laboratory that I came to realize the missing of the mobile phone. My first reaction was that it might be left in the laboratory, because it relates to another ridiculous story. Last time I "lost" my student ID card, I found it back later in the pocket of my lab coat hanging at the back of the door. I even paid 100 HKD for a new one. Now I got two students card, and technically, there are two "ZOU Yukai" in Hong Kong Baptist University now. And due to the complicated logic of the digital world, I could open the lab's door with my previous card whereas entering library, common study room in AAB, Student Residence Hall with my new card.

Too far from the topic of mobile phone. I try all the ways to find it back, looking inside my bag, rushing to the restaurant and asked the staff there, and going back to the lab finally, expecting it could jumped out and gave me a surprise. But obviously, the more you expect, the more frustrated the result turned out to be. And that even do not matter, I could get other stuff being taken away, and it just coincidentally be my mobile phone. I have been way too careless and inattentive these days. Something accumulating unconsciously, which I think is "tense".

Anyway, I need a new phone. Sorry NOKIA that I could not use you all the time in the future. You are just a substitute for the time I do not have a new phone. What I need, hopefully, should be a completely same mobile phone. The only thing I can try now is do not let this known by my parents. They will get mad at me. They will say something like "I've told you so many times but you just turn a blind eyes on it". And I wasted their money; how can I face the frustration of them, and how can I dare to face the bad of myself.

For the concern of privacy, I changed all the passwords of the apps related to the phone. And I will set psw to the "new one" that the poor guy won't be able to use it even he got it next time (but hopefully I won't be that silly). Thanks for the kindness of the staff who lending her phone for me to dial my phone number, and awake my awareness of the security issue. Hong Kong is still a cold city though, people may be too busy to care for others. But that does not necessarily mean we do not love each other. So, I feel being blessed. Also, no more weiboing when having breakfast. NO MORE WEIBOING! Plus, I am going to Mong kok tomorrow to find the same samsung (Galaxy Ace S5380i). I am such a jerk. becare ful and do not waste money on the unnecessary stuff again.

Alright, I have already wasted many time on this tiny issue. I know the tiny issue reflects some worrying stuff that I must face, but I still need to change my mood to study for the next week. Two midterms, that is not joking, buddy.

Mood

My mood changes too fast sometimes that I even cannot prepare for it. Bad mood interrupt me to view things clearly.

How to deal with it?

Tired

May have this title before, but that is not the point. Weird when in the tiredness, do not feel like talking or caring about the life of other people. But hate the current version of myself. Hope it is not the permant version of myself, but when it comes, I do not know how to deal with it.

Eating too many junk food. They are attractive, though; they are made of chicken, they are fried, they can be dipped with different flavors and sauces, and I can have them while watching the favourite soap drama for a whole night.

Not in the study mode, but the midterms are coming. wholly cow. positive power required. no more fast food. no more soap drama.

Phoebe

Those jerks do not care about you, but the whole universe does.

But still wanna be cared about a little.

Shek mun afternoon

Normal day of study. Actually not much happened, just having a funny talk with a Malaysian friend this morning about the plan in the future. Hope having chance to hang out more with him, just saying.

Now sitting at shek mun campus and trying to figure out something to do. This part has been hard because it seems that the tasks of today have been completed.

Back from Shenzhen

Extremely tired back from the trip to Shenzhen and not in the study mode at all.

Feeling strongly isolation from the group. Totally frustrated. I am such a loser.

Don't know how long the status would last. Very puzzled right now. maybe I need a sleep.

Long Thursday

This is gonna be a long Thursday. Weird thing one: I have only one hour lecture the whole day. And it has just ended. Weird thing two: I have to share some feelings about the exchange in Mercer at the Welcome-back party held this afternoon. Christina said that there is no need to worry about what to say, just say it in the way you like. That's why I traced back the blog to see some of the minds I had several months ago.

Paradoxically staying in hong kong right now missing all the friends and experience in the US while facing the challenges to come.

Have a lunch, boy.

hiding

心情不好的时候，就会一个人藏起来。
I hide me when I am low.

I don't even know why I suddenly get so frustrated. I even share this out to someone who I am not that familiar with. I think I may need some time to cool me down.

Tense. The school has started for over a week. I hate many courses, seriously. It is not because I hate study. I love study though, I just hate the way teachers deliver their lecture, assign the reading work, and the silence of the atmosphere. Students do not like talking here, pretty dumb. Even mainland students are not showing sort of friendliness. Chemical analysis is totally a joke. I cannot understand the harsh english in strong hong kong accent. Also the lecture notes help nothing but keep confusing myself. Dude, I got an A last semester in the quantitative analysis, but I am now totally lost in the math part of this course, what the hell is going on?

Environmental Biotechnology is another lecture that doesn't fit me well. The professor is talkative, very talkative actually. But his mind is so jumping that I cannot understand his word clearly. He always draws general and wide idea to tackle with tiny issue, such as how to dispose the treated sewage in Hong Kong. I mean it is such a big topic to draw, but his conclusion is always ended up with something like "we dump them into Kowloon bay, because the water there is even more smelly."

Or maybe I just HKBU. I love all the friends meeting here, I just hate BU.

Well I do enjoy some classes. The molecular biology is not very difficult, since I learn genetics very hard last year, so most of the principle and idea can be easily understood and reviewed. The reading assigned by the sociology class is simple, hopefully I can end reading them before the start of October. I need to save time to study for the harder courses, such as the environmental biotechnology.

Many people keep asking me these days why I am not in the final year. Basically because I am lazy. I am such a laid back person who do not like to be pushed forward. I love study, but I hate the education system in BU which is not flexible. University Information System sucks. All the courses registration must be done there, so if you fail to do the add/drop online then you are not supposed to sit in the class. I keep hearing someone complaining that he cannot get enrolled in the class because of the shit quota is full. Overload is not a good idea, never. Except you are really good at managing time, plus there is no conflict between all the classes you plan to take.

Hence, I need one more year to fulfill both my major degree and my minor degree. Imagine that I am in my final year, doing the final year project every day, attending major lectures, overloading some credits for minor degree. Then I have to stay at least 12 hours a day in the school. That means 60 hours per week, plus I have the chance to continue doing research during weekend. Then I don't have time hanging out with my friends. I also need to spare some time preparing for the GRE test. Too many things gather and my life will definitely explode, let alone I am now hiding because some sort of tense is accumulating.

I still have a lot to do. Beyond the school, I plan to go to gym, read the book In Quest of Jesus, watch the Friends Season 6, mandarin debate team, hanging out with friends, visiting some people that I care. A LOT. Life is a b***h and then you die. Enjoy it. Enjoy the tense. Enjoy the hiddenness.

Time to leave library, so I should stop typing these shit now. Tomorrow will be another day.

tense for start of the new semester

It is 0:15 now on september 10th. Traditionally this is a date to be celebrated for all the teachers, and indeed Chinese students do that every year. But this year it also becomes the first day of my "second" Junior year. Believe it or not, I have a four-month-long holiday this summer.

Two of my roomies went to bed already, and I am now typing some random words in front of my laptop, trying to clear my mind and move into the school shift.

Fourteen hours later will come the first lecture of the semester, which is the Global Social Transformation. It is the third year that I try to fulfill the minor degree of sociology. If the credits of the Globalization and Society could be transferred back to my host institution, I will have accumulated 12 units in SOC program and just need another 3 units to reach my goal. I am feeling a little excited about that, though there are certainly, again, tons of reading and writing waiting for me. As for the study of my major, I am taking ecology, molecular biology, and environmental biotechnology this semester. Only Ecology contains a 1.00-unit laboratory, and there's been a 18-page-long manual uploaded on the bumoodle (the lecture note downloading system). Sounds cool.

Yes, I am excited that the new semester is getting started, but yet I am very very tense right now. Maybe that is the only reason keep me typing continuously. I've been laid down and relaxed for about four months (this is perhaps the longest and lazy summer I have during my college life). It is the best time to force me to stop procrastination. Compared with the study load in Mercer, HKBU is just a piece of cake. You can never complaint about how less exams here have, but you may feel regretful of not studying hard enough throughout the semester because the schedule is such a loose one. I don't want to be back to a robot who are mastered in handling mid-terms and finals.

Because of the tense stuff, these days have been really weird that I am much more sensitive and undecidable. Overthinking really bothers me, and my reaction may or may not hurt the friends family members which worsen the overthinking. Cannot focus well and express the thoughts clearly. I am not satisfied with the current version of myself.

All this is caused by school, and all will be given an answer after the school starts.

Love

I feel lonely, maybe because I still do not have a girl whom I love and care.
But I am here waiting, though I keep talking to myself that I need the focus these two years.
Well, maybe I can, maybe I cannot. Who knows where the love is.

Poor at listening

Guess no one is gonna visit this blog, and it is really a long time since the last post.
In short, the exchange is over and I am back hk again.
to tell the truth, I am not so happy these days. Cannot figure out what is wrong with my concentration, but I feel so tense and focus on my feeling so much and cannot understand my friends' word, neither could they follow my thoughts until I explain over and over again. Very frustrated when this pattern occurs on and on.

Plus, kinda feel so bad and unprepared to meet a girl, either accidentally bummed into or other ways.

Very confused.

Hebrew Bible Study

Tomorrow will be the final of Old Testament. No matter whether can get an overall A in the class, the Jewish Bible Study has already opened a window for me to explore a world which is wholly new to my life.

Is getting more and more to do

Keep typing sudden thoughts. I know I'm procrastinating, and I know I will cherish this period years later - one, two, no matter what the number is.

Umbrella

Sometimes we rejected other people and tend to be cold, not because we do not like them, but we are afraid of facing ourselves - both in our minds and others.

But this is the real charm of humanity. Any description seems to be meaningless. We are not that rational as we believe. Most of the time, I try to be nice to you and I don't care why. That is my nature.

I'm not sure, but maybe, there will be a day raining heavily. And you happen to forgot bringing the umbrella, and at that time, exactly at that period, the scene today could flash in your mind. That is all I expect. We deserve it.

Happiness goes away no matter how hard you try to stop it. Is going to say goodbye to US. Tons of scene cram into my minds. Those smiling faces, those people, all those came in my life, they deserve this forever.

A Second is like A Year

Keep asking me this question, that if I will leave tomorrow, what will be different from leaving at May.14th.

Who else will I miss, and who else will I be missing. Will I regret for those things if they happened?

Sounds impossible assumption. Yes. But this month seems not matter that much.

That's probably why I'm so suffering right now.

am I work hard?

I know me. I'm tired now.

Thank You All.

April is coming. This is the day of fooling, but I'm not fooling everyone.

After almost two hours drive, we finally arrived at Mercer around 2 a.m. Watching a game without Jeremy Lin is regretful, but the whole night was awesome. Cheers. Crowds. CNN. Sushi. Atlanta. Rainy. Fall asleep in the car two times, and woke up when Raymond arrived Roberts Hall.

Everything is silent. We got off the car, and walked back to our apartments. The 2-minute way is just as long and slow as lasting forever, maybe because I just thought about many thingg.

I could tell whether I'm happy or not, and luckily, I am.

It was such a illusion. How could I actually arrive here.

I feel I will lose something, and I may lose more if I don't write down something. It was just like yesterday that I closed the door of the study room, leaving CSC, and said to Jun:"March is coming."

I want to say these ASAP. I don't want to wait till the time of departure and say everything, although I know that is slowly coming, which make me feel afraid.

Thank you, all my friends in America. i learnt what is ambition, what is friendship, and what is love from you.

I haven't expected to meet you when I stepped out from the plane in Chicaco O'Hare International Airport, and now, I'm afraid of leaving you. That is life.

I've said I will try to come back two years later. But I'm afraid that after two years, you are no longer you, and I am no longer I.

So, I wrote these in memory of the time when you are you, and I am I.

It's a pleasant journey, it is a memorable journey.

4/1/2012

In memory of the exchange at Mercer.

Study hard

The test for old testament is coming soon, and I feel that I have enough confidence to get another nice mark.

pretend to be strong

feel like being another person for some time. I'm not that strong as I imagine. Nothing special. Just reminding myself that when you feel exhausted, just say it.

quiet

Life is too noisy. I just wanna find a place to hide myself for a while.

Are they sort of same?

Just come up with a funny comparison during the shower. When reading Borg's book about the Bible, he emphasizes the stage of "Postcritical", which hear the story without criticism and accept it, regard it as truth though it may not be factually true.

Is the postcritical stage kind of similar with Mu(Nothing, none) in Buddism?

Just put the question here. It sounds like a question, may be it is not a question at all.

Is having tons of work to do this week, but just remind me to never lose the mind of thinking.

Moses meets Steve Jobs

A funny pic given by my Old Testament Professor.

sanction

Dictatorship can't bring better life to people, neither can sanction.

3/10 Thoughts after reading Latter Prophets

(1)Christianity affirms that people don't know God, and indeed they cannot know the existence of it. Their faith in God comes from the long long history, from reading Hebrew Bible stories.

(2)Prophets, as is mentioned in these paragraphs, are the people who speak on behalf of God. They can predict the future because God had taught them so. That is to say, they know some of  God ( I doubted on how can they know God and how they affirm people about this fact).

(3)Prophets usually have trouble with those kings because prophets' prediction is usually bad for kings (kings do bad for people). Because prophets have faith in God, they dare to speak for social justice, rather than speak for the king, the elites, and the rich people. So, I appreciate this kind of  狐假虎威.

expectation

it is true that time is endless, some day reoccur year after year. But in other words, those days occur only one time every year. for example, someone's birthday.

you may never know what he or she expects, but you shall suppose he or she expects something.

so, don't be so mean, that even the same day will come next year, you still choose to give him or her a surprise.

time passes. thing changes. don't let them feel disappointed at that point, and spend another year to expect, and leave you eventually.

say these to myself.

UC

a happy UC boy working in the fitness center. nothing to do, just picking up several bucks after the camping from Helen, Georgia. hehe.

Ipad

I don't know why I need an Ipad.

I just notice that everyone is talking about Ipad. My classmate in SOC class is using Ipad. My professor is using Ipad as an example to illustrate the economic chain in globalization. My parents say Ipad is nice and I should get one. My friends are having Ipad.I saw Ipad everywhere.




So I bought one. What a crazy world.

Missing

The feeling of missing someone is like a chronic disease, which is just so hard to get rid of.

Everytime I undergo this, I just find myself awkwardly finding other things to do - just change my attention. Maybe it's kinda bad, maybe it's not.

Motivation

I'm not such an optimistic person, I doubt a lot and get lost usually. However, I do have dreams, even if that may seem little and simple in others' eyes.

I like the friends I made here so much. I don't know whether it is I'm so fortunate, or they are so nice. They make up the best impression of US in my mind, which will drive me to be distinguished. At least, I won't get lost in persuing my ambition these two years.

How subtle this motivation is. How big this motivation is.

Immortal

Greek movies always evoke my imagination.

Deeds are immortal, while deeds of righteous are immortal and divine.

From Hong Kong to Macon: Exchange Student Yukai Zou on His Experience in America.

1. Where's home for you?

I live in Shanghai. My family has settled down there for more than ten years, and I've witnessed the vast changes of it over the past dacade.

2. What made you decide to come to America?

The biggest concern is to further my study. My ambition is to be a phd in biology; and the United States is advanced in biological science. So, I'd like to explore a little first, knowing how people live and study in the US, which will facilitate me in the future when I come here again, hopefully:) Another important motivation is that I want to refresh my mind towards american culture by myself rather than by media.

3. What was the experience of coming to America like?

It is really a thrill that I make myself to such a nation that is so different from my motherland. Generally, the environment in the US is clean, and there're many farmland areas and historic sites in Georgia, which is so different from Shanghai and Hong Kong. People talk in a friendly and faithful manners. I've made some awesome friends here; without their help, I couldn't extend my footprint to so many funny places, nor could I deepen my view about this diverse nation.

4. Have you faced any challenges and/or confusions since you arrived?

The first confusion is the way people greet. I was at a loss when the shop assistant said "How are you doing" to me, because I'm not used to share my feeling with a stranger. Julie, my advisor, explained to me that what they need is just a "good" "not bad", which is exactly the same when Chinese greet with each other saying "Have you eaten?"

One of the challenges I face is the highly tense study. I was very ambitious of myself that I took four science courses in the first semester, which soon overwhelmed me with tons of quizzes, problem sets, exams, lab works and writings. I had to relieve myself, so I dropped one of them later. Though biology is also taught in English in Hong Kong, the study load is smaller, in which there is just one mid-term and one final for a science class. The busy mode actually keeps me studying and asking questions, which I’ve gradually overcome now.

5. What, if anything, surprised you most about America?

One of the things that surprised me a lot happened in the orientation. After watching the short drama about the Mercer life, our O'group, “Swag is Global”, had a discussion outside the Landale Hall about the sex issue. Branden, my peer advisor who is in HKBU now, encouraged us to share our opinions, and there was a good discussion indeed; but for me, it is my first time to talk about an embarrasing topic in front of many people, so I kept quiet but listen carefully. This is probably my first direct feeling towards the open mind of Americans.

6. In what way is American culture most different from you own?

As is mentioned above, “open” is the key point of American culture; you can choose to favor and believe anything you accept, and you can speak out any opinions directly. The way people deal with each other is simpler than that in Chinese society.

7. Do you have any advice for students studying abroad?

Be observant. People may bahave and think in a very different way: the way lecture is taught is different, the way decline an invitation is different, the way people behave in being late to an appointment is different, and the way people establish and maintain friendship is different. All these reflect their personalities and the culture. The observation not only broadens my view, but also refreshes my mind about many things that I've taken for granted.

Be open. People may have plenty of questions about you and your countries, e.g. how to pronounce your name correctly; are there fortune cookies in China, etc. So, don't hesitate to share your stories to them. Native people also have many stories and opinions towards different topics; so, be an open-minded listener.

Be optimistic. Homesickness, culture shock and pressure from study may trouble most international students a lot. I remember that a friend told me during my hardest period in the US that life may be different from expectation; we live and we learn. Hardship unseals what is important and makes you grow faster; the difficulties will finally be the valuable experience for your life. So, never give up.

8. What is the most challenging thing about being in a new country?

Facing all the unknowns by oneself is the most challenging thing for me. I don't know who I will meet with. I have to face the study and bureaucracy with awkward English. I’m depressed when receiving a unsealed parcel and do not know what to do; I feel annoying when the hotline is busy; I have to spend a whole morning just to set up an online bank, which I only need ten minutes in Hong Kong with a phone call. Fortunately, I meet with so many nice people that I cannot list them all; they helped me buy all the living stuff in the first day, apply the social security card, invite me to their home, provide job for me and admire my work, drive me to the airport, etc. My appreciation is simply beyond words.

9. What has been your best experience in America so far?

There is just so much that I think all of them are perfect. The nice experience recently is a long conversation with some nice friends overnight. We asked and answered all kinds of questions, from "What is your favorite food?" to "What is the thing that you've done but you feel regretful?" I knew these guys more after the talk, and I feel being closer to them, which I appreciate most.

10. Is going to school at Mercer a lot different from going to school in your country?

There are some differences. Mercer is in Macon where it is hard to go anywhere without a car. Hong Kong is a highly packed international city where you can easily get to every corner using public transportation. Mercer, as a result, is slower and quiet than Hong Kong Baptist University. Moreover, many students are major in science and engineering, and there are a lot of pre-medicine, pre-pharmacy students in Mercer; in Hong Kong Baptist University, most students take business and journalism. Last but not the least, going to school at Mercer, I think, is more challenging because there are so many assessments; professors are serious about the schedule, students like interrupting and asking questions during the class, and the study environment is very competitive.

promise

have a safe trip tomorrow, have a fun spring break. some chances never return, so, hope I can do what I've said.

Hope

Philosophical thinking evokes hopes. What an interesting sentence.

It's already March.

"February is over."

Time is passing so fast.

And, soon I'll be back to Hong Kong. Deeply afraid and want the retard.

Caffeine

I don't drink that much caffeine until I come to US. Coffee, energy drink, Coke, Dr.Pepper, all kinds of things that can extent my attention towards late midnight, or early early morning. However, I clearly know that my productivity at night is low, that I cannot focus on the work well at midnight. Tons of hours passed with little done, which makes things worse.

When this comes to a habit, though I still have no addiction to caffeine, I've already addicted to cheating myself.

I always think it's time to say goodbye with it, it is as hard as say goodbye to my family, every friend I loves; it is as easy as stepping forward to the boarding area without even turning my head.

Living paradoxically. Probably Laurel is right, that my mind sometimes contradicts my soul.

Hebrew Bible

This is a completely different world for me. I'm proud of making a decision this semester to take this class.

3 years of biology study make me feel exhausted. I'm not a bad student. I can work hard, though not so smart. Biology is a hard science for hardworker. Just work hard, and I will never be a loser at least. But during these years, what I'm experiencing is keep memorizing stuff I don't like, and forgetting them right after finishing the exam, which did not give much enlightenment towards things such as why I'm here, what is life. The whole sophomore, what now only left in my mind, is the sweetness of loving and the pain of break up.

Sitting in the classroom of old testament, the professor let everyone to think about 9/11. I was a child studying at Grade 5 in Shanghai then. When my parents heard from the early morning radio saying the corruption of World Trade Center, they were completely shocked. My parents are not so pro-US, they sometimes even criticize what US presidents does to harm Chinese people heavily, based on a communist perspectives obviously. But at that moment, what I figured out is there are somethings similar, which is across the border of nations, which is humanity. We are sad about people's death. We are angry about what terrorism does to the society. Though I'm probably the only athiest in the classroom, I don't feel like it's hard to understand the point professor want to make: "Do we lose our belief in God? Does God lose His trust towards America?" Later on, we skimmed some chapters in the Bible. Somethings became more solid, that human nature is just like "if you do sth harmful to me, I'll certainly revenge." It's horrible to abandon the hope in God just because of some events happened, but we need to read Bible in a new way, probably a more modern perspective, which can incorporate the tragedy. What does it mean, why did it occur. Something pretty much the same as what Chinese communism is doing: try to inteprete Maxism in a modern way, and probably, dig out the justification for the Communist Party. However, China is keep accepting new things and abandon the older one. Maxism is a western thing, so I highly question in whether it will consolidate the Chinese identity as what Hebrew Bible can do.

I probably need to talk more with the professor. What impressed me much is a discussion last month in his office, that he even mentioned about the "Mu(無)" in Buddism. “本来无一物，何处染尘埃。”Probably, there is no need to think about making choices because there is no choices. I may still be a Athiest, not because I choose to be, but doubting about devine existence is my nature.

It was already midnight and my mind is fully activated, though I cannot state all my words out clearly, I feel like Biology may just be a rice bow for me, which brings me money and higher quality of life, but thinking these questions within and after this semester, and during my whole life, will become a much more funny adventure.

spring break

dunno whata do actually. Study, hanging out with friends, working...Seems that everyone has their detailed plan. I'm just worrying about if I make a choice to do A, will I lose the chance of B forever.

The journey to US is always an adventure. Some people "slam" in your life, and are leaving gradually. I love the feeling of finding true friends, but I'm scared of the fact that we will never see each other again. Time is passing slowly, spring break is coming, but I feel like in the next second, I've already back to HK.

So what should I do now..

study hard is hard

Textbooks keep me awake, due dates keep me from bed. Study with some of the best friends made in US.

Gradually tolerate to the life in which never go to bed until you are more than tired. However, during the long long hours of "studying", the efficiency is not as high as expected. Procrastination is one of the norms. I'll never feel nervous until the very last second is coming.

Hate this life style, while being afraid of facing the possible new ways of living. If I'm not doing the life this way, then I will meet some other chances, other people, which on the other hand, complicated the issue itself.

Hense, is making choices on "to do" or "not to do" everyday. Deep pain, oh yes.

Study hard is hard, coz I always know I'm keeping myself pretend to study hard.

To tell how I feel - I love while hate this.

weird

I don't know why I'm laughing when I said I would never come back :(

time and future

Future cannot come only with the time passing. 2013 will definitely come after 2012, but a country may become chaos. By addressing "The future is here", Zakaria emphasizes on an expectation, a hope for US.
Politics shapes society a lot. Economy shapes politics a lot.
Let new ideas keep being appreciated, and the hope will always be there. US will never lose its charm.
China? Social problems along with the fast economic growth are becoming clearer. It still has a long way to go.

Life is so hard.

sometimes I'm just wondering why I show my real side in front of another one. If that will discomfort others, shall I continue, or should I rather pretend to be a cool, nice, confident guy? I have to admit that I overreact sometimes, but I act faithfully and try to be true most of the time. Is that fair to me, and is that fair to them? Life is so hard.

People's republic of capitalism

I enjoyed the SOC class today, and I'm considering to watch the full episode of people's republic of capitalism. Taking a different perspectives on my motherland is always make me excited.

It's monday

I was so tired attending school.