3.3 Back to silent mode - Culture reconflict?

Finding myself no longer willing to talk with other people. This is gradually occurring when I leave America. No more chatting, no more greeting, no more patient listening to others. Of course the final year load is heavy, but compared with what I withstood in Mercer, there is no complaint about it. During that time, I studied till very early in the next day, still feeling happy. Ideas could be easily exchanged between me and my friends. But now, that feeling has just gone away.

And I could feel that I slightly change back to the status before. No more questions in the lectures, making me feeling dumb when confused with a point. No more communication between me and grandma, parents, and the friends surround. Although this is not all my bad, I do speak out my opinion at first, but what I received frustrated me. They don't tend to listen at all, just stating how they think and never ask for negotiating. This is like an order, a thing that I must follow. Perhaps after many times, I feel tired and decide to just follow their advice, without any challenging. And I become gradually like them. I become silent, have a lot of thoughts never tell anyone, and only speak it out at the very last second, making other people feeling tense. Communication need to start as soon as possible, when I can sense the necessity. If not, then there will be some troubles. All of these might be due to the parental order here that I shall follow what my parents and grandparents said, or even think. They are feeling annoyed when you cannot find a thing, blaming you to be too careless; they are criticizing at you for reading too much western literature and understanding too much christian view (in their mind, they certainly hold a stereotype view on these thing and never wanna change it.) They want me to be the same as them.

The power of culture is so amazing that I don't even know when I hold this version of my ego. Or this is not important. The pass worths to be missed, but the contemporary condition also deserves to be remembered in the future. Probably all these things can be summarized as a "Re-conflict of culture".

It's final year and I know indeed I must dump in more efforts. But I'm also more than happy to share my stories to anyone who willing to listen. People need to talk, and I don't want to be silent all the time.