I wish you will be happy there, though what you get may not be what you really expect.
You may expect the exchange to be perfect, but don't do that way, you may get disappointed by the culture shock and those homesickness, coz these will be endless.
I will miss you very very much. You are my good friend. Though we do not talk much this semester, I keep thinking of you sometimes, and those happy time in Eco lab. Though we may never see each other in the future, I always have the best wishes to you, because you are such a sweet girl. There is a time that you said hi to me outside the lab door. you may have already forgotten, Because you probably had done that to many people that day. love that smile. I have a bad mood that time (and actually, for a long period of time.) îBut your smile has really made my day. I feel that there is something in my heart that I lost for so long, and suddenly it came back. I am so glad that I have met you such a great girl.
Hong Kong makes me so suppressed, and I don't know what and how to blame. I can't blame anyone, I just feel not happy and cannot let it out. I am afraid when such a feeling lasts for so long, it will become norms of my life.
And I know that is not the true version of me.
At least, I hope not.
You are right, that life is unpredictable. I could never predict that i would have had a feeling on you when accudentally sitting next to you, that we had some funny time in the fieldtrip, that we had a serious but honest talk on the 10th floor outside the greenhouse saying something that i had a feeling on you, but i could not foresee the future that we were possible to be together, and you had some problem with your good friend, and you did not really know why it happened. I am afraid that in the future when you come back, when I graduate, we don't even like knowing each other, and I am even not caring how much I am missing you like this. And all these become a history that neither of us care to mention.
Don't know what to say. The brain seems stopped. Good luck, girl, I have the best wishes on you.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
3.10 Things are leaving while you cast a blind eyes
I'm not sure what I've lost, but I'll figure them out someday.
Just feeling not very well. The mood fluctuates largely during the week.
Just feeling not very well. The mood fluctuates largely during the week.
3.10 tired of being a tasks attacker
1 sociology paper, 3 lab reports, 1 final year project progress report, 2 midterms, 1 statistics assignment, GRE preparation, BIOMOD.
I'm serious. I'm really tired. I can't have a relaxed sleep everyday until I go over tons of lecture notes, trying to figure out at least one more concepts.
Are all these what I deserve? What does this semester want me to learn in terms of 18 units? Can all the things I'm dumping efforts in have a good ending?
I'm serious. I'm really tired. I can't have a relaxed sleep everyday until I go over tons of lecture notes, trying to figure out at least one more concepts.
Are all these what I deserve? What does this semester want me to learn in terms of 18 units? Can all the things I'm dumping efforts in have a good ending?
Saturday, March 2, 2013
3.3 Back to silent mode - Culture reconflict?
Finding myself no longer willing to talk with other people. This is gradually occurring when I leave America. No more chatting, no more greeting, no more patient listening to others. Of course the final year load is heavy, but compared with what I withstood in Mercer, there is no complaint about it. During that time, I studied till very early in the next day, still feeling happy. Ideas could be easily exchanged between me and my friends. But now, that feeling has just gone away.
And I could feel that I slightly change back to the status before. No more questions in the lectures, making me feeling dumb when confused with a point. No more communication between me and grandma, parents, and the friends surround. Although this is not all my bad, I do speak out my opinion at first, but what I received frustrated me. They don't tend to listen at all, just stating how they think and never ask for negotiating. This is like an order, a thing that I must follow. Perhaps after many times, I feel tired and decide to just follow their advice, without any challenging. And I become gradually like them. I become silent, have a lot of thoughts never tell anyone, and only speak it out at the very last second, making other people feeling tense. Communication need to start as soon as possible, when I can sense the necessity. If not, then there will be some troubles. All of these might be due to the parental order here that I shall follow what my parents and grandparents said, or even think. They are feeling annoyed when you cannot find a thing, blaming you to be too careless; they are criticizing at you for reading too much western literature and understanding too much christian view (in their mind, they certainly hold a stereotype view on these thing and never wanna change it.) They want me to be the same as them.
The power of culture is so amazing that I don't even know when I hold this version of my ego. Or this is not important. The pass worths to be missed, but the contemporary condition also deserves to be remembered in the future. Probably all these things can be summarized as a "Re-conflict of culture".
It's final year and I know indeed I must dump in more efforts. But I'm also more than happy to share my stories to anyone who willing to listen. People need to talk, and I don't want to be silent all the time.
And I could feel that I slightly change back to the status before. No more questions in the lectures, making me feeling dumb when confused with a point. No more communication between me and grandma, parents, and the friends surround. Although this is not all my bad, I do speak out my opinion at first, but what I received frustrated me. They don't tend to listen at all, just stating how they think and never ask for negotiating. This is like an order, a thing that I must follow. Perhaps after many times, I feel tired and decide to just follow their advice, without any challenging. And I become gradually like them. I become silent, have a lot of thoughts never tell anyone, and only speak it out at the very last second, making other people feeling tense. Communication need to start as soon as possible, when I can sense the necessity. If not, then there will be some troubles. All of these might be due to the parental order here that I shall follow what my parents and grandparents said, or even think. They are feeling annoyed when you cannot find a thing, blaming you to be too careless; they are criticizing at you for reading too much western literature and understanding too much christian view (in their mind, they certainly hold a stereotype view on these thing and never wanna change it.) They want me to be the same as them.
The power of culture is so amazing that I don't even know when I hold this version of my ego. Or this is not important. The pass worths to be missed, but the contemporary condition also deserves to be remembered in the future. Probably all these things can be summarized as a "Re-conflict of culture".
It's final year and I know indeed I must dump in more efforts. But I'm also more than happy to share my stories to anyone who willing to listen. People need to talk, and I don't want to be silent all the time.
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