Last night was fabulous. Though there was something not perfect; we remembered the lyrics wrong, the effects weren't as good as one could expect, but at least we tried our best and we deserved those nights of practising and singing. We didn't set to win any prize before deciding to attend the singing competition, we just wanna enjoy ourselves. And we did. That is the most important thing from this.
So here comes the weekend. Don't know how to spend it yet. Has spent over a week doing research and get prepared for being a research assistant since next month. Big challenge again, and the current feeling of comfort may be gone away soon. But should try to stay relax and remind myself Imma human being anyways. Graduate schools, still waiting for the positive replies; checking my mailbox to see whether there are new messages from them ranks first in everyday routine. Somehow there is a little fortune required I think. And what I am doing now will determine what I will be in the future. So stay clear, keep a sharp mind, and face the challenge.
Life is unpredictable. Though I am so certain about sort of US plan, I have to say that not everything is controllable.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
2.7 Back from Nanning
The spring festival in Nanning is actually not so smooth as was imagined. A little tired from meeting different people and chatting issues irrelevant. Parents would enjoy themselves even if I was not there. People want others to realize their fantasy.
These two days of school are actually great, despite there are some obstacles in understanding the mass spectroscopy. Is learning gradually and slowly at my comfort pace. Tried asking questions via email but not sure whether that will work. No need to worry the final, which is great. I can sit in whatever courses I want to learn.
Shot a 7.5 in IELTS, which is great. There are positive replies from GeorgiaTech and Oxford. Don't know what will come in the next. Being more skeptical when it seems like approaching the end.
Need to spend this weekend in a relaxing way!
These two days of school are actually great, despite there are some obstacles in understanding the mass spectroscopy. Is learning gradually and slowly at my comfort pace. Tried asking questions via email but not sure whether that will work. No need to worry the final, which is great. I can sit in whatever courses I want to learn.
Shot a 7.5 in IELTS, which is great. There are positive replies from GeorgiaTech and Oxford. Don't know what will come in the next. Being more skeptical when it seems like approaching the end.
Need to spend this weekend in a relaxing way!
Monday, January 20, 2014
1.20 Officially done with undergraduate
Finally submitted the thesis this afternoon. My bachelor's period is finally done. Too stressful these days, but worth to be memorized.
Thanks Dr.Peng so much for being patient and serious and teach me many laboratory skills. I have learnt a lot from him.
Malaysian food night!
Friday, January 17, 2014
1.18 Third day shooting thesis at Shek Mun
Just found out that I actually did not submit the completed application form for UNC. That's stupid, and I have never imagined that I did this kind of silly stupid things. I should have check the information and submit it before the deadline, but it turns out that I didn't. OMG.
But it's useless to feel shameful and bad about that at this point. I need to focus on the thesis, thinking about my next step of graduate school admission, and keep my brain clear and sharp.
At shek mun library. Keep typing. The Discussion part seems in good progress. Gonna have a lunch and decide where to go and keep shooting the thesis this afternoon.
I told my friends that I hate this week. It's a week of rushing with the thesis, for the sake of bureaucracy. Have to deal with this in the future definitely, so what I learnt from this is to get prepared and foresee as much as possible, so that the hardship can be dealt with more confidence.
Can't understand myself sometimes. Attention can be distracted easily. I should learn to focus more. Focus.
But it's useless to feel shameful and bad about that at this point. I need to focus on the thesis, thinking about my next step of graduate school admission, and keep my brain clear and sharp.
At shek mun library. Keep typing. The Discussion part seems in good progress. Gonna have a lunch and decide where to go and keep shooting the thesis this afternoon.
I told my friends that I hate this week. It's a week of rushing with the thesis, for the sake of bureaucracy. Have to deal with this in the future definitely, so what I learnt from this is to get prepared and foresee as much as possible, so that the hardship can be dealt with more confidence.
Can't understand myself sometimes. Attention can be distracted easily. I should learn to focus more. Focus.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
1.17 Second day at Shaw fighting for thesis
At one time I was thinking that finishing this thesis by next monday is mission IMPOSSIBLE.
And that is not as horrible as I imagine. Many things are like this way. Sometime you just overimagine the possibility of failure and that is totally nonsense.
Stress level still high, but I can handle this job. Is spending more and more attention to make the thesis more coherent and logical. Many detailed work are needed, but now I need a relax to get prepared with the biochemistry lecture in the next hour.
Prof.Yung said I could submit next Tuesday. If possible, I will try finishing next monday.
And that is not as horrible as I imagine. Many things are like this way. Sometime you just overimagine the possibility of failure and that is totally nonsense.
Stress level still high, but I can handle this job. Is spending more and more attention to make the thesis more coherent and logical. Many detailed work are needed, but now I need a relax to get prepared with the biochemistry lecture in the next hour.
Prof.Yung said I could submit next Tuesday. If possible, I will try finishing next monday.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
1.16 Random thoughts at Shaw Library
There are so many things that we can't determine the fate, even we've tried our best, so what we could do is still try our best and accept whatever results there may be.
People have a reason choosing or not choosing something or somebody, don't disturb their thoughts and respect whatever decisions they will make. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing is so perfect.
When finding yourself can't sit down and focus on the work, just get rid of it and have some relaxed music.
Keep typing and typing till the end of I don't know maybe my life.
Oh I have to check for that cool cool BBC video for neuroscience. How can I forget that.
People have a reason choosing or not choosing something or somebody, don't disturb their thoughts and respect whatever decisions they will make. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing is so perfect.
When finding yourself can't sit down and focus on the work, just get rid of it and have some relaxed music.
Keep typing and typing till the end of I don't know maybe my life.
Oh I have to check for that cool cool BBC video for neuroscience. How can I forget that.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
12.16 Two days before back home
At the middle of December. Two days before back home and is typing in the Shek Mun library. Full of people preparing final here which is so different from those normal days, but it's not that noisy so I can focus on my computer screen. Is keep modifying the powerpoint for honour project this morning, and visiting this blog just for relax. Have viewed some of the previous posts, and those words have really described my status accurately.
These days. All what surround me is "uncertainty" "stressful" and "worrying all the time". Cannot figure the origin of these emotional feelings and they really cause many trouble and drag me from being an ordinary person (although a real person, but real abnormal). Most of the time, I feeling having a lot of things to do (and indeed I do), but my brain is kind of heavy and dizzy and I do not know which one to start with. Cannot perform multi-tasking, or a lower output will be obtained in both tasks. However, once a task was chosen and started, many things related with the task cram in and I can be easily distracted again, not able to focus on single item.
What am I busying with these days?
1. Oral presentation and a written thesis for the final year project
Oral presentation is not a difficult one. I am good at delivering presentation and making clear slides of powerpoints. It is just about what kind of information I choose to let the audience know. Thing comes a little different because this time I am presenting something that determines whether I will be granted a bachelor degree in science, which is the honour project. In the past year, I conducted research in Prof.Yung's laboratory, studying the genetic basis of drug abuse and addiction. That is a large topic so I am trying to narrow it down here. By using a drug called nicotine and the animal model of baby zebrafish, I want to know whether accepting more nicotine will lead to certain pattern of changes of some biological mechanisms in zebrafish's body, which finally promote the development of drug abuse and addiction. To understand the biological mechanisms, some techniques are involved to study certain genes and proteins. I have learned quite a few techniques in the last year and the experience really help train me to be a researcher, and what I need to do in the presentation is to describe what techniques I used, what results I have obtained, and how I integrate these things together to tell a story to people who come to listen. Many preparations are definitely helpful to make an excellent presentation hence an excellent defense for the bachelor degree, which builds to the pressure.
2. Applying graduate schools
Up to now, I have applied more than 10 U.S. grad schools, as well as one in U.K. and one in H.K. I should be checking the information of these schools everyday, even a little each time, but these days (starting from December, when I got some exams to prepare) I am sort of lazy on the checking. Some institution requires a written sample of research proposal and I have not yet started that stuff. Some professors I was trying to approach don't seem to be interested with my application, and some honestly does no help to construct my confidence but instead build up my fear in entering the field of a PhD. Certainly, many factors are involved in the process and I cannot cast all the blame on anyone; but the whole issue of application depends on how much I want to be a graduate student and if I was, what I am going to do. Seems that my attention on this is decreasing these days which I have to highlight once again. Start tracking every institute I am applying, making sure all the documents are delivered, and going through their websites to check the updates.
3. Preparing to be a research assistant.
Most likely I will be employed as a research assistant after graduation in the spring. But it seems that I have not get prepared yet. Before the final week start, I have read a few articles and come up with some frragmented ideas which I also discussed with the professor, and now there seems to be some confusion between us and I need to be clarified. We have to be on the same page and that is very important to make sure I did not mismatch his expectation nor mine, at least I should not make myself confuse before I go into anything. Shall be confident that I can do the job of RA well and what I need is being more active, motivated, and patient on improving the laboratory skills. Have a critical mind (or practise to have a better mind) through reading articles and attending seminars, talk to the professionals for advices, and keep the mind open. Being an RA is really a good opportunity to shape my personality.
4. Shanghai, Shanghai
It is always good to be back home. Has been almost one year and I am missing the streets, foods, friends, and a lot of things in Shanghai. Is planning to meet some people and visit somewhere (most likely Beijing), though many things have not yet decided, it's better to put it off a little and find a better time with the family. There will be oral presentation after the winter break so this holiday will not be that relaxing, but just trying to be relaxed according to the guidance of the psychological consultant (that's right, I am seeking help to relieve mental stress) since I am so nervous about doing things wrong these days. Kai can be cool, funny, and a good guy to be with only when Kai find himself back.
For my friends and family members, Kai is undergoing some strange and kind-a-suffering period of losing ego and being stressful these days, which make Kai not so cool as he usually does. Always bear in mind that Kai loves you, Kai misses you, and Kai will be happy if you are happy.
These days. All what surround me is "uncertainty" "stressful" and "worrying all the time". Cannot figure the origin of these emotional feelings and they really cause many trouble and drag me from being an ordinary person (although a real person, but real abnormal). Most of the time, I feeling having a lot of things to do (and indeed I do), but my brain is kind of heavy and dizzy and I do not know which one to start with. Cannot perform multi-tasking, or a lower output will be obtained in both tasks. However, once a task was chosen and started, many things related with the task cram in and I can be easily distracted again, not able to focus on single item.
What am I busying with these days?
1. Oral presentation and a written thesis for the final year project
Oral presentation is not a difficult one. I am good at delivering presentation and making clear slides of powerpoints. It is just about what kind of information I choose to let the audience know. Thing comes a little different because this time I am presenting something that determines whether I will be granted a bachelor degree in science, which is the honour project. In the past year, I conducted research in Prof.Yung's laboratory, studying the genetic basis of drug abuse and addiction. That is a large topic so I am trying to narrow it down here. By using a drug called nicotine and the animal model of baby zebrafish, I want to know whether accepting more nicotine will lead to certain pattern of changes of some biological mechanisms in zebrafish's body, which finally promote the development of drug abuse and addiction. To understand the biological mechanisms, some techniques are involved to study certain genes and proteins. I have learned quite a few techniques in the last year and the experience really help train me to be a researcher, and what I need to do in the presentation is to describe what techniques I used, what results I have obtained, and how I integrate these things together to tell a story to people who come to listen. Many preparations are definitely helpful to make an excellent presentation hence an excellent defense for the bachelor degree, which builds to the pressure.
2. Applying graduate schools
Up to now, I have applied more than 10 U.S. grad schools, as well as one in U.K. and one in H.K. I should be checking the information of these schools everyday, even a little each time, but these days (starting from December, when I got some exams to prepare) I am sort of lazy on the checking. Some institution requires a written sample of research proposal and I have not yet started that stuff. Some professors I was trying to approach don't seem to be interested with my application, and some honestly does no help to construct my confidence but instead build up my fear in entering the field of a PhD. Certainly, many factors are involved in the process and I cannot cast all the blame on anyone; but the whole issue of application depends on how much I want to be a graduate student and if I was, what I am going to do. Seems that my attention on this is decreasing these days which I have to highlight once again. Start tracking every institute I am applying, making sure all the documents are delivered, and going through their websites to check the updates.
3. Preparing to be a research assistant.
Most likely I will be employed as a research assistant after graduation in the spring. But it seems that I have not get prepared yet. Before the final week start, I have read a few articles and come up with some frragmented ideas which I also discussed with the professor, and now there seems to be some confusion between us and I need to be clarified. We have to be on the same page and that is very important to make sure I did not mismatch his expectation nor mine, at least I should not make myself confuse before I go into anything. Shall be confident that I can do the job of RA well and what I need is being more active, motivated, and patient on improving the laboratory skills. Have a critical mind (or practise to have a better mind) through reading articles and attending seminars, talk to the professionals for advices, and keep the mind open. Being an RA is really a good opportunity to shape my personality.
4. Shanghai, Shanghai
It is always good to be back home. Has been almost one year and I am missing the streets, foods, friends, and a lot of things in Shanghai. Is planning to meet some people and visit somewhere (most likely Beijing), though many things have not yet decided, it's better to put it off a little and find a better time with the family. There will be oral presentation after the winter break so this holiday will not be that relaxing, but just trying to be relaxed according to the guidance of the psychological consultant (that's right, I am seeking help to relieve mental stress) since I am so nervous about doing things wrong these days. Kai can be cool, funny, and a good guy to be with only when Kai find himself back.
For my friends and family members, Kai is undergoing some strange and kind-a-suffering period of losing ego and being stressful these days, which make Kai not so cool as he usually does. Always bear in mind that Kai loves you, Kai misses you, and Kai will be happy if you are happy.
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