4.9 Focus

It's noisy and chaotic outside. Ernesto calms me down. Enjoy the feeling of connecting with ego. Those chaos are none of my business. A bright future is waiting for me. I need to work harder and harder.

4.7 Trip to Jiangxi

3.28 Having daily schedule

I wish I can have a daily schedule about my life and get stick to it. But part of me hate living like a robot.

I want to keep fit, keep learning, and keep an optimistic mind.
6:50 Wake up
7:10 Morning Exercise
7:30 Breakfast
8:30-17:30 Research Assistant
18:00-19:00 Gym
19:30 Dinner
Around 0:00 Sleep

Get my haircut tomorrow, have a clean over the room, and dinner with friends.

3.12 What am I worrying about

What the hell am I always worrying about. Seems to be anxious all the time when the goal is not achieved.

Tend to tell others everything at one time. It is impossible for people to accept all the information, even for me. Can SLOW DOWN, Kai!

Tsing-Ming Festival is approaching and I may need to talk with my Dad about visiting Fengcheng next month. I can hopefully ask for a break from Prof.Yung and why he would be reluctant?

Need to find someone that will not accelerate my heartbeat when I am being with. But right now, so focusing on the future thing and will never give way to a relationship. The older, the less choice. Don't freak out myself by logic. Patience is appreciated. Sometimes, it is about fate.

Has declined Rachel several times for her invitation. Ignored Yiting's bad day with some weird laughing over the printer. I can't do worse. Is afraid that I will be more dumb than two years ago that MeiMei and Ashley will not recognize this Kai. I owed many people things. Mengzai miss my southern pancake; Zecheng and Hanxu hope we gather again after final.

2.24 Research is a hard path. Nothing is so perfect.

Rachel said Jing is going to leave. That's sad, might have less chance of seeing her in the future. What could I give as a present for farewell?

Received many words with comforts and encouragements this weekend. I should not be a coward. Even in the worst situation, I should try to fight as a warrior. Thanks so many people, Dr.Jingfeng Wang, parents, aunt, grandma, Nancy Fujing, all those who witness my fragility and intention to be a strong guy. What didn't beat me make me stronger.

2.15 Weekend

Last night was fabulous. Though there was something not perfect; we remembered the lyrics wrong, the effects weren't as good as one could expect, but at least we tried our best and we deserved those nights of practising and singing. We didn't set to win any prize before deciding to attend the singing competition, we just wanna enjoy ourselves. And we did. That is the most important thing from this.

So here comes the weekend. Don't know how to spend it yet. Has spent over a week doing research and get prepared for being a research assistant since next month. Big challenge again, and the current feeling of comfort may be gone away soon. But should try to stay relax and remind myself Imma human being anyways. Graduate schools, still waiting for the positive replies; checking my mailbox to see whether there are new messages from them ranks first in everyday routine. Somehow there is a little fortune required I think. And what I am doing now will determine what I will be in the future. So stay clear, keep a sharp mind, and face the challenge.

Life is unpredictable. Though I am so certain about sort of US plan, I have to say that not everything is controllable.

2.7 Back from Nanning

The spring festival in Nanning is actually not so smooth as was imagined. A little tired from meeting different people and chatting issues irrelevant. Parents would enjoy themselves even if I was not there. People want others to realize their fantasy.

These two days of school are actually great, despite there are some obstacles in understanding the mass spectroscopy. Is learning gradually and slowly at my comfort pace. Tried asking questions via email but not sure whether that will work. No need to worry the final, which is great. I can sit in whatever courses I want to learn.

Shot a 7.5 in IELTS, which is great. There are positive replies from GeorgiaTech and Oxford. Don't know what will come in the next. Being more skeptical when it seems like approaching the end.

Need to spend this weekend in a relaxing way!

1.20 Officially done with undergraduate

Finally submitted the thesis this afternoon. My bachelor's period is finally done. Too stressful these days, but worth to be memorized.

Thanks Dr.Peng so much for being patient and serious and teach me many laboratory skills. I have learnt a lot from him.

Malaysian food night!

1.18 Third day shooting thesis at Shek Mun

Just found out that I actually did not submit the completed application form for UNC. That's stupid, and I have never imagined that I did this kind of silly stupid things. I should have check the information and submit it before the deadline, but it turns out that I didn't. OMG.

But it's useless to feel shameful and bad about that at this point. I need to focus on the thesis, thinking about my next step of graduate school admission, and keep my brain clear and sharp.

At shek mun library. Keep typing. The Discussion part seems in good progress. Gonna have a lunch and decide where to go and keep shooting the thesis this afternoon.

I told my friends that I hate this week. It's a week of rushing with the thesis, for the sake of bureaucracy. Have to deal with this in the future definitely, so what I learnt from this is to get prepared and foresee as much as possible, so that the hardship can be dealt with more confidence.

Can't understand myself sometimes. Attention can be distracted easily. I should learn to focus more. Focus.

1.17 Second day at Shaw fighting for thesis

At one time I was thinking that finishing this thesis by next monday is mission IMPOSSIBLE.
And that is not as horrible as I imagine. Many things are like this way. Sometime you just overimagine the possibility of failure and that is totally nonsense.
Stress level still high, but I can handle this job. Is spending more and more attention to make the thesis more coherent and logical. Many detailed work are needed, but now I need a relax to get prepared with the biochemistry lecture in the next hour.

Prof.Yung said I could submit next Tuesday. If possible, I will try finishing next monday.

1.16 Random thoughts at Shaw Library

There are so many things that we can't determine the fate, even we've tried our best, so what we could do is still try our best and accept whatever results there may be.

People have a reason choosing or not choosing something or somebody, don't disturb their thoughts and respect whatever decisions they will make. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing is so perfect.

When finding yourself can't sit down and focus on the work, just get rid of it and have some relaxed music.

Keep typing and typing till the end of I don't know maybe my life.

Oh I have to check for that cool cool BBC video for neuroscience. How can I forget that.