These days. All what surround me is "uncertainty" "stressful" and "worrying all the time". Cannot figure the origin of these emotional feelings and they really cause many trouble and drag me from being an ordinary person (although a real person, but real abnormal). Most of the time, I feeling having a lot of things to do (and indeed I do), but my brain is kind of heavy and dizzy and I do not know which one to start with. Cannot perform multi-tasking, or a lower output will be obtained in both tasks. However, once a task was chosen and started, many things related with the task cram in and I can be easily distracted again, not able to focus on single item.
What am I busying with these days?
1. Oral presentation and a written thesis for the final year project
Oral presentation is not a difficult one. I am good at delivering presentation and making clear slides of powerpoints. It is just about what kind of information I choose to let the audience know. Thing comes a little different because this time I am presenting something that determines whether I will be granted a bachelor degree in science, which is the honour project. In the past year, I conducted research in Prof.Yung's laboratory, studying the genetic basis of drug abuse and addiction. That is a large topic so I am trying to narrow it down here. By using a drug called nicotine and the animal model of baby zebrafish, I want to know whether accepting more nicotine will lead to certain pattern of changes of some biological mechanisms in zebrafish's body, which finally promote the development of drug abuse and addiction. To understand the biological mechanisms, some techniques are involved to study certain genes and proteins. I have learned quite a few techniques in the last year and the experience really help train me to be a researcher, and what I need to do in the presentation is to describe what techniques I used, what results I have obtained, and how I integrate these things together to tell a story to people who come to listen. Many preparations are definitely helpful to make an excellent presentation hence an excellent defense for the bachelor degree, which builds to the pressure.
2. Applying graduate schools
Up to now, I have applied more than 10 U.S. grad schools, as well as one in U.K. and one in H.K. I should be checking the information of these schools everyday, even a little each time, but these days (starting from December, when I got some exams to prepare) I am sort of lazy on the checking. Some institution requires a written sample of research proposal and I have not yet started that stuff. Some professors I was trying to approach don't seem to be interested with my application, and some honestly does no help to construct my confidence but instead build up my fear in entering the field of a PhD. Certainly, many factors are involved in the process and I cannot cast all the blame on anyone; but the whole issue of application depends on how much I want to be a graduate student and if I was, what I am going to do. Seems that my attention on this is decreasing these days which I have to highlight once again. Start tracking every institute I am applying, making sure all the documents are delivered, and going through their websites to check the updates.
3. Preparing to be a research assistant.
Most likely I will be employed as a research assistant after graduation in the spring. But it seems that I have not get prepared yet. Before the final week start, I have read a few articles and come up with some frragmented ideas which I also discussed with the professor, and now there seems to be some confusion between us and I need to be clarified. We have to be on the same page and that is very important to make sure I did not mismatch his expectation nor mine, at least I should not make myself confuse before I go into anything. Shall be confident that I can do the job of RA well and what I need is being more active, motivated, and patient on improving the laboratory skills. Have a critical mind (or practise to have a better mind) through reading articles and attending seminars, talk to the professionals for advices, and keep the mind open. Being an RA is really a good opportunity to shape my personality.
4. Shanghai, Shanghai
It is always good to be back home. Has been almost one year and I am missing the streets, foods, friends, and a lot of things in Shanghai. Is planning to meet some people and visit somewhere (most likely Beijing), though many things have not yet decided, it's better to put it off a little and find a better time with the family. There will be oral presentation after the winter break so this holiday will not be that relaxing, but just trying to be relaxed according to the guidance of the psychological consultant (that's right, I am seeking help to relieve mental stress) since I am so nervous about doing things wrong these days. Kai can be cool, funny, and a good guy to be with only when Kai find himself back.
For my friends and family members, Kai is undergoing some strange and kind-a-suffering period of losing ego and being stressful these days, which make Kai not so cool as he usually does. Always bear in mind that Kai loves you, Kai misses you, and Kai will be happy if you are happy.
