10.22 Typing in T1111

The lab is very quiet during the night. Is typing ramdomly on the keyboard. Just finish editing the word part of the website for BIOMOD competition this years. A lot of work. Minor modifying may needed in the following days, but feel like a thing has finally settled.
Efficiency is much higher than working at home. Sometimes I feel I am a quiet guy always enjoying my little world.
Am I the one that I am afraid of? Two years ago, I wrote down such a sentence in my diary, that I am afraid I would be looking at the world with a cold mind. Seems that I am so focusing on the little thing happening to me that I ignore many other things. Don't know whether it is good or bad. Time passes by and I grow older and older. Feel quite awkward of saying something truthfully or honestly without any temptation. Pretend to be strong and positive.
What should I do, and what could I do to change this.

10.20 can't enjoy life

Seem not able to enjoy the life. Roommates are playing games together to kill the time, which is so extravagant and luxurious for me to do. Rational thinking excludes many possibilities of life. Life becomes simple but also quite bored. I want my emotion back. Feeling so stressful.

10.20 organic test tomorrow

Is having a test tomorrow, which is also the first test of this semester. Don't know how well I can perform over it, and I did do some review over the past week. However, now I am sitting in the study room of the old campus and procrastinating. Frankly, I am a little tired from the meeting of BIOMOD, the competition that we are about to attend; and I am kind of lose my mind the whole day, reacting slowly and strangely towards things and people. And I cannot really focus on the study. Even I told myself to do so, the efficiency is quite low and never could I think continuously and attentively.

Keep having a busy schedule over and over, which should not be what the life ought to be. Maybe I have pushed myself too hard towards the life, that I must prove myself to be a strong man in front of people. I am strong enough, just need to be relaxed a little bit. I am cool when in the relaxing mode.

It's just so hard to find that mode back, which makes me miss the version of me when I was in Mercer. I am somewhat jealous to what shirlie is enjoying now. That is a great place, a place where I find my dream back. 

Life is still going on, just face the challenges and go through it.